I’ve announced today that writing has turned me into an introvert.
At first, I thought that my distaste of humanity and constant disappointment in my peers caused me to prefer staying at home and diving into Netflix or continue on one of my stories. But that wasn’t it. Once I dug deeper into myself I discovered the truth. It took a couple months to surface.
It has become hard for me to leave the house now because I don’t really want to interact with people anymore. When I go to the store and the clerk waves and smiles “hi”, I smile back. When someone asks me how my day was, I reply, “Good, how about you?” But as a writer, words affect me. I think about what I’m saying and what i mean by it, and I feel like I’m lying. I know there person bagging my groceries doesn’t really care how I’m doing, but still, I can’t justify lying to them when what I really want to say is, “You know, if I never went outside again I wouldn’t mind.” The way strangers make me feel like I’m lying further makes me want to stay at home forever.
Now, when I was little, I was the hyper kid who loved people and going all around town with mom to run the errands. I was a total extrovert and sitting still was hard. Recently, I have turned away from the extrovert I used to be and I’ve become a total introvert. However, there is a pattern here. The more I poor myself into writing, the more I retreat from society. See, in 4th grade, I decided to become a writer. I promised my whole class that I would spend the rest on my life dedicating myself to being a writer. The next year, I was homeschooled. In 10th grade, I went to the local high school and I decided that I would do screenwriting as a profession. The next year I was home schooled again, by choice. Being home schooled gave me lot’s of time to write and I really was able to develop who I am.
People were incredibly important in influencing the person I am. But as a writer, I took it to the next level. I started writing about experiences I had with people and I started to understand how people work -thus eliminated the need for social interaction for me. Writing lets you see humanity for what it is. The more I wrote, the less I wanted. So you see, it’s not the pain of humanity that turned me into an introvert, it’s my own fault. Writing helped me dig into myself and discover what was really important to me and what really fulfills me. It’s not people anymore, it’s characters.
This is not a bad thing to me in any way. In fact, I’m excited I figured this out about myself. It’s another step in understanding the human condition. I hope this doesn’t sound depressing, but writing is what makes me happy!