I’ve been very stressed out lately – to say the least, so this week I let myself have a little fun with a silly comparison. Enjoy!
So, I know for many people, this is finals week. I hate it when my teachers look me in the eye and tell me, “You will be stressed out this week.” I’ve already been dealing with a lot already, and I am not ready to be confronted by the fact that I am about to witness massive stress. So, I revert back into this sad little ball rocking back and forth telling myself, “I don’t know how to deal with this.”
Then I laugh at myself because I just sounded a lot like Crona. I sometimes feel like I am Crona, because, I feel used, I feel like no one loves me, and I feel like I don’t know how to deal with my world.
I also know, there are many who also feel this way. Before my teacher announced that we would be stressing out, he proclaimed, “You are beautiful and full of worth. You’re grade does not define who you are.”
Trying to accept this is very difficult. I know that I am truly judged by God’s standard, not the world’s. God doesn’t care what the world thinks of me, he only see’s my heart. But I can’t see God physically. He’s not there patting my back as I take a test telling me that I am “full of worth” as I take a test. What I can see is the test and my score, and in this world, that’s what feels more real to me.
It is so much easier to act as Crona and just give up and shrug. I do that often! What takes time, is learning to fight through stress, and accept the truth of our worth. It’s incredibly hard to accept “worth” from something you can’t see or touch. I try and compare myself, and how I deal with stress to Krona from Soul Eater, so that I can learn what works and what doesn’t. I mean, it’s less emotionally draining to lay on my bed and think about an anime character then to face the very world that gives me so much stress.
Demon Sword Ragnarok
Crona is overcome with abuse and agitation from the demon sword Ragnarok much like how finals seam to scream and shout harmful and foul lies to me. The whole process of finals week seams to come around with one voice with the soul intention to tare me down. Since I’m an English nerd, I have no worry about my English final… but biology… It’s hard to not let the voice of my biology final over come me. But, I don’t want to voice of a test to be stronger then the voice of God. I don’t want to give something so small in the grand scheme of things more power the then one who actually created the person who created the test. That is truly terrifying. But in the end, Krona stop listening to Ragnarok and starts listening to the kind wisdom of his friends. Ragnarok grows smaller and doesn’t have hardly the influence he once had. The things that are truly important to Crona win over the demon sword’s influence.
The only thing I can equate black blood to that has anything to do with finals week, is coffee. Yes, coffee. Coffee is a mind savior. I drink so much I feel it is my own blood. Coffee is one of my greatest physical weapons against finals. If you have enough coffee and spiritual confidence, you can come at any test!
“It’s got nothing to do with physical strength. The Black Blood flowing through his body, “Ragnarok”, is supporting Crona’s muscle strength in combination with his movements.” – Maka to Soul
Coffee during finals week makes me feel physically strong and makes all of my movements stronger then if I didn’t have coffee. Coffee is also a great comfort and because of that, it keeps me calm and focused.
Maka is someone who Krona latches onto because he can tell she is a safe stable person. He can’t socialize very well without her. He can’t tell the difference between good and evil without her. He can’t understand happiness without her.
Have you ever prayed before a test? “God please help me do well!”
Since I go to a Christian school, we pray before ever test and often only ask God to help us do well. For me, I pray that God would just be with me and keep me calm during the test.
During finals, I give myself permission to be like Krona and be absolutely incompetent of doing anything without the help of a strong, able person. For me, that’s God. And coffee, but that’s not a person so that doesn’t count.